We arrived in the wee hours of the morning to the far distant shores of the beer brewing, chocolate sucking Belgians only to find ourselves stuck behind two lorries that had collided at a roundabout. An hour later we made our way to the hotel were we were shown into a poky little room with one small double bed. Now don't get me wrong, I like Paul, he's a nice chap, but Claire explicitly me told me – no gay sex whilst I'm away. So back downstairs to reception and a big room with far reaching views into the car park.

The next morning was load up time, but the tide had gone out and Dave Ronnan, the skipper, had neglected to mention that we needed to bring our climbing gear to get into the boat. It's down there somewhere. Belaytastic.

Kudos to Dave for taking us out in that. Even the cross-channel ferries were turning back. So a rough old ride later and minus a chunder buddy, we were dropped onto a Z-class German destroyer. Could hardly see the guns for all the giant cod they were hiding behind. There were a pair of jack boots poking out near the bow, but didn't pull on them for fear of dragging a out a pair of legs as well.

Friday night broke my vegetarian diet with some tasty stewed beef. Getting drunk was a problem – it seems the Belgians aren't quite used a 3 pint an hour run rate. Not even sure they managed to serve up half a pint per hour.

Saturday's dive was on an Italian freighter which must have been carrying a cargo of giant edible crabs, as there were hundreds of them. The sea was a bit calmer, so I had a buddy this time; we went in together anyway.

On Sunday we dived SS Sandy Bottom and Monday was too windy to get out. In all it was an expensive trip for what amounted to 2 dives, but Nieupoort is a lovely town, the food was delicious and the beer was excellent. Dave is planning to do it a different way next year, so would go again. He is planning to pick people up at Dover, travel out there with a dive on the way then stay there 2 nights and do a dive on the way back to Dover on the 3rd day.